Here I sit, at the 'desk' I used all the way through Jr. high and high school - an antique library table that came from my Grandma Smith's house - that Amy painstakingly refinished - when I had it the top was painted a scary color of green, and the 'base' black....Grandma painted everything black, in that 'art deco' kinda way that WAS all the style back in the day, and now back 'in style'.
I find myself 'living' in the most comfortable of spaces. Living among a mix of old and new - beautiful, and comfortable new furniture and 'old' pictures, mementos, and lots of family items. It feels like 'home' in a very special way - and I know this is where I will likely spend the rest of my earthly life, and that feels 'OK'. I've learned, never say never, "life" has a way of changing what I THINK will be and should be - really, I think it's God reminding me that HE IS REALLY IN CHARGE!
I've found myself really missing Mom and Dad recently - can't tell you why, well, maybe it's the looming holidays...the first ones without either of my parents here on this earth...if for some reason I couldn't be with them (which didn't happen often), I could always call and here their voice. Now, there is silence, a void that no one else can fill - and yet, they are both very much with me now, in a very special way that I could never have imagined. It is quite the human conundrum.
As I sit here at my laptop, to my left is the cordless phone/answering machine combo, a dual picture frame with 8x10's of my Grandfather Lincoln and a facing picture of Nancy when she was about six or seven together with Mom when she was maybe 12-18 months; and, then a small candle and a couple of small gourds. To my right is my Jesus head from Jerusalem, a picture of CJ and I when I was about 4 and CJ was about 18 months old; and, a picture of Grandma Smith and I - that was taken in one of those little photo booths - I'm sure taken on a birthday trip downtown, I was probably 5 or 6. Over my shoulder Mom and Dad are literally smiling down on me - a picture taken at the farm - before illnesses began to ravage them for the last times - the picture sits perched atop the new entertainment cabinet/console.
Everyone is smiling in the pictures - we were all so much younger, especially me. Sometimes I long for those days - when the world wasn't so damned complicated - when we left the front and back doors unlocked all the time and you didn't worry about who came in - because it was either going to be family or friends; when Mom had dinner on the table every night and Dad predictably got home between 1700-1800; and, when picking up my toys was the 'big deal' of the day - days that none of us appreciate until we can only look back over our shoulder at times past, and have thankful hearts for those times.
I am a very thankful and grateful woman.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Monday, October 22, 2007
Who is that masked woman...Monday
The obvious answer - me! But, sometimes I have to ask myself exactly what I'm doing - often, while I'm doing it!
It starts with my cleaning ladies knocking on my door at 0800...still hard for me to believe that I have cleaning ladies....but they were here and did a stellar job, so I'm good for two more weeks.
This morning made a flurry of phone calls...mammogram scheduled (maybe this qualifies as too much information!); Salvation Army in the cue to pick up all my living room furniture early Friday morning; Ethan Allen in the cue to deliver all my new furniture Friday afternoon; taking Becke out for lunch and a movie tomorrow for her birthday....
This afternoon had conversations with both the chimney sweep guy and the concrete guy - need some chimney work and 'sweeping' done....ya think, there is a TREE growing OUT of my chimney!!!! And, then, there are the front steps that are starting to crumble and the back stoop, one of the steps has a huge whole in it, like a step into it up to your knee and break your leg kind of hole! My parents are up in heaven watching this all unfold, wondering how it will all play out - me too!!!
Then, I had to go to the bank...trying to figure out how to best 'settle' my part of the distribution on the smallest of Dad's IRA's. When I took the stack of forms from Key Bank and another stack from Schwab (for two of the different accounts) to Hubbard and Cravens last week to try and figure out I read some of the 'fine print' and there were pages and pages of fine print, so the 'operative word' is SOME!!! Anyway, seems if you are 'disabled' and are going to be disabled for at least 12 continuous months or are going to die (I would qualify for the former of the two, thank you) you can take your distribution on the IRA without penalty - and it is a hefty penalty. So, I stopped by the bank to verify if my understanding of what I was reading was correct - and it is, and to check on the IRS form - when I have to file it, where it is, where it comes from. So, tomorrow, I will get that pile of paperwork in the mail...the Schwab raft of papers got sent today - Schwab is a whole different kettle of fish!
Got on-line and made my plane reservations for New Orleans...have my seat assignments...today I got my letter from UMCOR verifying receipt of my 'application' and advising me of my 'acceptance' - so I decided it was safe to buy those non-refundable tickets!
Dropped off a pair of new jeans at the tailors to get them hemmed up - and have a seam repaired in some dress pants. Have my 2007/2008 daytimer up to date. And, to complete my day got a manicure and pedicure, it was delightful.
On the crappage front....another 100# of clothes to Thrifty Threads and miscellaneous household items. My attic is about 85-90% cleaned out and the dumpster is about as full....I'm quite a picture in a haz-mat decontam mask...and you have to love the energy of a 17 year old, man did they run up and down those attic steps a lot!!! My bedroom closet is all cleaned out and my bedroom is looking pretty good...now just need to get the guest bedroom under control - my next goal in the coming two weeks....it just never ends.
So, as you can see, sometimes I gotta wonder who this woman is - who still pretty much looks and thinks like me...but seems to be 'morphing'....if one person say's 'maturing', I'm gonna wring your neck!!!!
Well, it is officially Tuesday when you live in the EDT zone...and Curves is in my imminent future - like at 0645!
It starts with my cleaning ladies knocking on my door at 0800...still hard for me to believe that I have cleaning ladies....but they were here and did a stellar job, so I'm good for two more weeks.
This morning made a flurry of phone calls...mammogram scheduled (maybe this qualifies as too much information!); Salvation Army in the cue to pick up all my living room furniture early Friday morning; Ethan Allen in the cue to deliver all my new furniture Friday afternoon; taking Becke out for lunch and a movie tomorrow for her birthday....
This afternoon had conversations with both the chimney sweep guy and the concrete guy - need some chimney work and 'sweeping' done....ya think, there is a TREE growing OUT of my chimney!!!! And, then, there are the front steps that are starting to crumble and the back stoop, one of the steps has a huge whole in it, like a step into it up to your knee and break your leg kind of hole! My parents are up in heaven watching this all unfold, wondering how it will all play out - me too!!!
Then, I had to go to the bank...trying to figure out how to best 'settle' my part of the distribution on the smallest of Dad's IRA's. When I took the stack of forms from Key Bank and another stack from Schwab (for two of the different accounts) to Hubbard and Cravens last week to try and figure out I read some of the 'fine print' and there were pages and pages of fine print, so the 'operative word' is SOME!!! Anyway, seems if you are 'disabled' and are going to be disabled for at least 12 continuous months or are going to die (I would qualify for the former of the two, thank you) you can take your distribution on the IRA without penalty - and it is a hefty penalty. So, I stopped by the bank to verify if my understanding of what I was reading was correct - and it is, and to check on the IRS form - when I have to file it, where it is, where it comes from. So, tomorrow, I will get that pile of paperwork in the mail...the Schwab raft of papers got sent today - Schwab is a whole different kettle of fish!
Got on-line and made my plane reservations for New Orleans...have my seat assignments...today I got my letter from UMCOR verifying receipt of my 'application' and advising me of my 'acceptance' - so I decided it was safe to buy those non-refundable tickets!
Dropped off a pair of new jeans at the tailors to get them hemmed up - and have a seam repaired in some dress pants. Have my 2007/2008 daytimer up to date. And, to complete my day got a manicure and pedicure, it was delightful.
On the crappage front....another 100# of clothes to Thrifty Threads and miscellaneous household items. My attic is about 85-90% cleaned out and the dumpster is about as full....I'm quite a picture in a haz-mat decontam mask...and you have to love the energy of a 17 year old, man did they run up and down those attic steps a lot!!! My bedroom closet is all cleaned out and my bedroom is looking pretty good...now just need to get the guest bedroom under control - my next goal in the coming two weeks....it just never ends.
So, as you can see, sometimes I gotta wonder who this woman is - who still pretty much looks and thinks like me...but seems to be 'morphing'....if one person say's 'maturing', I'm gonna wring your neck!!!!
Well, it is officially Tuesday when you live in the EDT zone...and Curves is in my imminent future - like at 0645!
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Geez....
You know - I'm not exactly sure where the week has gone....here's the condensed version....
**Curves three times this week
**No MD appointments this week....YEAH...but one trip to the hospital to drop yet more cash on
prescriptions....argh....
**made contact with a 'chimney sweep' to clean and repair my chimney - I gotta love a company
that ends their voice mail with 'God Bless, and have a blessed day'! My neighbor uses the
company, so I know they do good work....if only all the 'contractors' I use can be this good!
**a whole day spent at 'disaster training' at church Thursday...there are those who might contend
I'm a 'disaster' unto myself, that I don't need 'training'....and I was recruited to go to New Orleans for
'Disaster Boot Camp'....the Conference pays, so why not! Then had choir that night...of course,
it ran over....it's an orchestra week...and 'side by side' orchestra/youth playing an instrument
next to an adult...I was exhausted by the time I got home
**I'm turning a bit 'nutty grainy'...see http://www.farmfreshdelivery.com/... all in an effort to be more healthy, get within 30% of my ideal body weight, and 'be smart'. Cost wise it might be a little more
pricey - but that old adage, you get what you pay for, IS true....and then there is that
great intangible - CONVENIENCE!!!
**I owe Tabitha a callback...on the top of my 'to do list' - where did the time go???
**teenagers are coming to the house today to help 'unload' my attic....hey, the dumpster
is in the driveway and they are willing to do the work...yeah I'm paying their efforts, but it's for a great cause - a concert tour of Italy next summer...and I'm not able to run up and down the stairs - so, it works!
**I want to call Scott - haven't talked to him in what seems like forever. AND Lori - want to see how her week went and what the MD had to say....well, free weekend minutes!!!
**Monday got my nails done...that is a little slice of heaven
**dinner out tonight at what I think is the best Greek place in town - Santorinis
**Tony is suppose to come cut the grass today
**lunch with Margaret yesterday - it was great food, great conversation, great laughs...you know,
what would I expect, Margaret is a great person and friend
**hung out with Sara yesterday afternoon for a couple of hours while Amy put groceries away for
the next couple of weeks and did some meal prep - more than a fair exchange, since Amy does
most of the cooking these days...and I'll never turn down the chance to 'hang' with THE BEST
22 month old, EVER....she makes my heart happy
**house decrapification continues...Thrifty Threads is loving me...and I'm loving getting rid of the
"stuff", it really is quite liberating!
And, so it goes - just the the nuts and bolts of life...
**Curves three times this week
**No MD appointments this week....YEAH...but one trip to the hospital to drop yet more cash on
prescriptions....argh....
**made contact with a 'chimney sweep' to clean and repair my chimney - I gotta love a company
that ends their voice mail with 'God Bless, and have a blessed day'! My neighbor uses the
company, so I know they do good work....if only all the 'contractors' I use can be this good!
**a whole day spent at 'disaster training' at church Thursday...there are those who might contend
I'm a 'disaster' unto myself, that I don't need 'training'....and I was recruited to go to New Orleans for
'Disaster Boot Camp'....the Conference pays, so why not! Then had choir that night...of course,
it ran over....it's an orchestra week...and 'side by side' orchestra/youth playing an instrument
next to an adult...I was exhausted by the time I got home
**I'm turning a bit 'nutty grainy'...see http://www.farmfreshdelivery.com/... all in an effort to be more healthy, get within 30% of my ideal body weight, and 'be smart'. Cost wise it might be a little more
pricey - but that old adage, you get what you pay for, IS true....and then there is that
great intangible - CONVENIENCE!!!
**I owe Tabitha a callback...on the top of my 'to do list' - where did the time go???
**teenagers are coming to the house today to help 'unload' my attic....hey, the dumpster
is in the driveway and they are willing to do the work...yeah I'm paying their efforts, but it's for a great cause - a concert tour of Italy next summer...and I'm not able to run up and down the stairs - so, it works!
**I want to call Scott - haven't talked to him in what seems like forever. AND Lori - want to see how her week went and what the MD had to say....well, free weekend minutes!!!
**Monday got my nails done...that is a little slice of heaven
**dinner out tonight at what I think is the best Greek place in town - Santorinis
**Tony is suppose to come cut the grass today
**lunch with Margaret yesterday - it was great food, great conversation, great laughs...you know,
what would I expect, Margaret is a great person and friend
**hung out with Sara yesterday afternoon for a couple of hours while Amy put groceries away for
the next couple of weeks and did some meal prep - more than a fair exchange, since Amy does
most of the cooking these days...and I'll never turn down the chance to 'hang' with THE BEST
22 month old, EVER....she makes my heart happy
**house decrapification continues...Thrifty Threads is loving me...and I'm loving getting rid of the
"stuff", it really is quite liberating!
And, so it goes - just the the nuts and bolts of life...
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Sad but true...
As most everyone knows I've got these very pesky and inconvenient health issues to deal with. And after several months I think I've finally managed to get my head around everything...no, I don't necessarily like it all - but being unhappy, depressed and bitchy about it all isn't going to change a thing and just make me and everyone I love and care about unhappy and maybe not love and care about me!
So, part of my personal campaign and crusade is to get myself as healthy and 'in shape' as I possibly can. Friends - vanity is no longer the issue - it really is about life and living to see my grandchildren and nieces and nephew grow up into the fabulously amazing and successful people I know they are all going to be. To get a lung transplant gotta be within 30% of my ideal body wieght....so since I'm craving at least a sense of a little bit of 'control' in a situation that has been and to a large extent will always be way out of my control this get healthy crusade IS something I can control.
Dieting per se is a stupid concept - it's a setup for failure, it's a bandaid concept. No, girls and boys, it really is about a paradigm shift...what you eat, why you eat, how you eat, when you eat, where you eat....kinda takes all the fun out of it doesn't it?!?!?
So, in addition to the obvious 'eating' part of this crusade there is the inevitable dirty word....exercise. Now, I'm not morally opposed to exercise, really at this point it's become more about my ability to breathe when I'm exgaged in activing - anything more than walking about 10 yards makes me tired to think about it. BUT - I come from a very long line of bucker-uppers - and I learned a long time ago that sometimes you have to suck it up, and that most things in life that are worth having and have meaning very seldom come easily....you know the 'character builders' of life. (Really, at this point in my life don't ya all think I've got more than enough character...)
Sorry, I digress.... Anyway a little more than a month ago a friend of mine from church (that'll teach her for offering to do whatever she can to be of help and support!!!") started going to Curves....the exercise place for women. I've pretty faithfully gone at least three times per week....rolling out of the sack and onto the floor about 0615 so I can get there by 0700....everyday I have to remind myself why exactly it is I'm doing this to myself!!!
A week ago tomorrow was the first wiegh-in, remeasurement....yes as if it isn't humbling/humiliating enough that they weigh you they measure you....everywhere - arms, thighs, butt, gut, waist. Well, I knew I'd lost a little weight, but in the first month I lost eight inches from the various measure areas.
So, part of my personal campaign and crusade is to get myself as healthy and 'in shape' as I possibly can. Friends - vanity is no longer the issue - it really is about life and living to see my grandchildren and nieces and nephew grow up into the fabulously amazing and successful people I know they are all going to be. To get a lung transplant gotta be within 30% of my ideal body wieght....so since I'm craving at least a sense of a little bit of 'control' in a situation that has been and to a large extent will always be way out of my control this get healthy crusade IS something I can control.
Dieting per se is a stupid concept - it's a setup for failure, it's a bandaid concept. No, girls and boys, it really is about a paradigm shift...what you eat, why you eat, how you eat, when you eat, where you eat....kinda takes all the fun out of it doesn't it?!?!?
So, in addition to the obvious 'eating' part of this crusade there is the inevitable dirty word....exercise. Now, I'm not morally opposed to exercise, really at this point it's become more about my ability to breathe when I'm exgaged in activing - anything more than walking about 10 yards makes me tired to think about it. BUT - I come from a very long line of bucker-uppers - and I learned a long time ago that sometimes you have to suck it up, and that most things in life that are worth having and have meaning very seldom come easily....you know the 'character builders' of life. (Really, at this point in my life don't ya all think I've got more than enough character...)
Sorry, I digress.... Anyway a little more than a month ago a friend of mine from church (that'll teach her for offering to do whatever she can to be of help and support!!!") started going to Curves....the exercise place for women. I've pretty faithfully gone at least three times per week....rolling out of the sack and onto the floor about 0615 so I can get there by 0700....everyday I have to remind myself why exactly it is I'm doing this to myself!!!
A week ago tomorrow was the first wiegh-in, remeasurement....yes as if it isn't humbling/humiliating enough that they weigh you they measure you....everywhere - arms, thighs, butt, gut, waist. Well, I knew I'd lost a little weight, but in the first month I lost eight inches from the various measure areas.
Yeah, yeah - that is great news, but the sad part is that there were eight inches to loose....and the even sadder news there are many more to loose!!!! Don't get me wrong, I really am delighted....BUT, are you kidding me....I want to say, "how did this happen"....but again, I know the answer to that question and really, I don't like it much!!!!!
Oh well...so, I'm off to the kitchen to grab a nice sweet....apple!!!
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