So, here I am, multiple months since my last 'blog'. Why for the absence - I don't know. Certainly not because I have an overly exciting and/or entertaining life - though the three year old is always good for the unexpected and brings a lot of fun to the house. Or has it been indifference - no, I don't think that's it...I've been accused of a lot of things, but, indifference isn't one of them.
Time it seems to me is a real dichotomy. On the one hand life is so fragile - it can be taken away in the in blink of an eye or simply slip away like sand through my fingers. And then on the other hand time keeps marching on, no matter what - calling a little 'time out' every now and then would be nice, just to catch your breath or regroup - but no, time just keeps on keeping on. Again, having a three year old in the house makes that crystal clear to me, when time is measured by how many "sleeps" it is until something will happen - usually something good and exciting.
I don't know, time it seems to me is a little overrated. Whoever said 'time heals all' didn't have a clue what they were talking about - the hole in my heart that belongs to my husband is no smaller today than the day he died - and the void in my life that Mom filled is no less either. There just really isn't "healing" for some things.
I would think that as I get more "mature" that "things" wouldn't bother me as much that losses wouldn't feel so great - but again, a wrong assumption. So, I just say to myself "Sweet Jesus" and keep on keeping on.,...because time doesn't stand still - never.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Sweet Sweet Springtime....
For at least the last two years yours truly has not done any gardening - to speak of. Last summer I had the landscaping people out to do the whole works, and they did a nice job and will be back this year!
Well, Sunday I was on it! Spent the day gardening and going to the garden center to get things for gardening. It was such a fruitful day....the herb garden is planted with our favorite herbs (there is nothing better than fresh dill!) and on Amy's recommendation I also planted a hibiscus in the corner of the herb garden - it all looks beautiful. Amy suggested that I plant some of the lower to the ground and/or creeping herbs in the window box of what is now Sara's room (my old bedroom) - that was pure genius....and then she suggested getting marigolds around the perimeter of the garden...animals don't like the marigolds!
So we took a mid-afternoon break and Rob, Sara, Amy and I loaded up into 'Blue' (Amy's mini-van, that can almost drive itself!) and were off to Lowe's where I picked up the aforementioned marigolds and another little flower for behind the herbs in the window box....I needed potting soil, I had plants I had received when Mom died (almost 4 years ago!) that were still in the original pots. Also got some much needed gardening gloves...I'm sure I have some around here, but at this point I'm not going to aggravate myself trying to find them - think, needle in a haystack!
By the end of the day not only was the herb garden and window box done...but I got all the rose bushes pruned, 24 strawberry plants in the ground, indoor plants re-potted and another bed cleaned up.
I can't tell you what a wonderful time I had. Now, I'm not exceedingly fast, bending over really takes my air away. So, I'd dig and plant a couple of things and then sit on the back step and drink some ice tea...so, speedy I'm not! Amy and Sara hung out with me most of the day, which was great - Amy really does have an eye for good aesthetics and hung out with Mom when Mom was in her gardening glory....after I was grown and moved out! And Sara loved 'helping' whenever water was involved....she loves playing in water!!!
The other thing about my day playing in the dirt....it's like Mom is right there. Mom's last day at home was Mother's Day and on that day, we got her in her wheelchair and I rolled her next door, to my house, and she sat with me while I was doing some gardening. Those are sweet, sweet memories for me.
So, now we are having April showers, and hopefully my plants and herbs and flowers are all 'happy'. But, irrespective, I have those sweet, sweet memories - forever.
Well, Sunday I was on it! Spent the day gardening and going to the garden center to get things for gardening. It was such a fruitful day....the herb garden is planted with our favorite herbs (there is nothing better than fresh dill!) and on Amy's recommendation I also planted a hibiscus in the corner of the herb garden - it all looks beautiful. Amy suggested that I plant some of the lower to the ground and/or creeping herbs in the window box of what is now Sara's room (my old bedroom) - that was pure genius....and then she suggested getting marigolds around the perimeter of the garden...animals don't like the marigolds!
So we took a mid-afternoon break and Rob, Sara, Amy and I loaded up into 'Blue' (Amy's mini-van, that can almost drive itself!) and were off to Lowe's where I picked up the aforementioned marigolds and another little flower for behind the herbs in the window box....I needed potting soil, I had plants I had received when Mom died (almost 4 years ago!) that were still in the original pots. Also got some much needed gardening gloves...I'm sure I have some around here, but at this point I'm not going to aggravate myself trying to find them - think, needle in a haystack!
By the end of the day not only was the herb garden and window box done...but I got all the rose bushes pruned, 24 strawberry plants in the ground, indoor plants re-potted and another bed cleaned up.
I can't tell you what a wonderful time I had. Now, I'm not exceedingly fast, bending over really takes my air away. So, I'd dig and plant a couple of things and then sit on the back step and drink some ice tea...so, speedy I'm not! Amy and Sara hung out with me most of the day, which was great - Amy really does have an eye for good aesthetics and hung out with Mom when Mom was in her gardening glory....after I was grown and moved out! And Sara loved 'helping' whenever water was involved....she loves playing in water!!!
The other thing about my day playing in the dirt....it's like Mom is right there. Mom's last day at home was Mother's Day and on that day, we got her in her wheelchair and I rolled her next door, to my house, and she sat with me while I was doing some gardening. Those are sweet, sweet memories for me.
So, now we are having April showers, and hopefully my plants and herbs and flowers are all 'happy'. But, irrespective, I have those sweet, sweet memories - forever.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
I Got the Keys....
Last Friday it happened....I got the keys to my new living space, the transformed attic!!! The furniture had been delivered on Tuesday, they worked on changing the previous attic door into what looks like a finished pass through from the front hall to the stairs, and they worked on getting the final details done and the space cleaned up.
Really, I love this space - it's open and bright and comfortable, everything I was aiming for, I love it when a plan comes together!!!
My sister has decided to call this new space "the penthouse"....not exactly. I still love the rest of my house too - I've got to break this space in, don't 'cha know!!!
There are still 'details' - a couple of area rugs, mirrors for the bathroom (just ordered them this AM - gotta love Overstock.com!), pictures, and some plants....more dollar signs, but now I know what the space is.
Ah, yes....I love it when a plan comes together!!!
Really, I love this space - it's open and bright and comfortable, everything I was aiming for, I love it when a plan comes together!!!
My sister has decided to call this new space "the penthouse"....not exactly. I still love the rest of my house too - I've got to break this space in, don't 'cha know!!!
There are still 'details' - a couple of area rugs, mirrors for the bathroom (just ordered them this AM - gotta love Overstock.com!), pictures, and some plants....more dollar signs, but now I know what the space is.
Ah, yes....I love it when a plan comes together!!!
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Dad
Two years ago today - it was two years ago today that Dad died. It was a sunny but blustery day - complete with snow on the ground and swirling winds. Today Sara and I drove down to Columbus to visit my grandmother (Sara's great-grandmother), we saw the older of Dad's two younger sister's - and we drove by the house Dad spent most of his growing up years in, the family farm where I've spent countless hours - it just seemed like the thing to do, especially today.
It's hard to believe it's been two years. In some ways it seems like a lifetime ago - and yet I expect him to come walking through my front door, cocktail in hand saying "Nanc"..... As much as my father could make me absolutely nutz I would give most anything to share more time with him. My comfort is knowing that he and Mom are together again, she really was his soul mate and his soul was fractured after Mom died, though he would never talk about it - at least with us kids.
Dad was not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, yet it was rare you'd hear him admit he was 'wrong' about something - which could get a little annoying to the rest of us. As I got older, a little smarter, and more patient, I realized Dad was a product of his upbringing, gene pool, and the time he lived in....not excuses, just reality.
Of the three of us I probably locked horns with my father most often from my teenage years on into adulthood, (though my brother could give me a run for the money sometimes!). Though those weren't the most enjoyable parts of my life - they were definitely learning times. The last few years of Dad's life we were able to interact with each other more as adults...but let there be no doubt I was always THE kid!!!!! Dad learned that his oldest daughter was pretty smart and could navigate around the medical community with pretty good efficiency - and I think he realized that even though I do have an emotional side, I'm not driven by my emotions - at least not in most cases.
Dad and Mom would be pleased that my brother, sister and I have managed to hang together and continue to be an active part of each others life - that's the way they would want it, and it's hard to imagine life being any other way.
Yeah, it's really hard to believe Dad died two years ago today - I miss you and love you Dad, we all miss you.
It's hard to believe it's been two years. In some ways it seems like a lifetime ago - and yet I expect him to come walking through my front door, cocktail in hand saying "Nanc"..... As much as my father could make me absolutely nutz I would give most anything to share more time with him. My comfort is knowing that he and Mom are together again, she really was his soul mate and his soul was fractured after Mom died, though he would never talk about it - at least with us kids.
Dad was not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, yet it was rare you'd hear him admit he was 'wrong' about something - which could get a little annoying to the rest of us. As I got older, a little smarter, and more patient, I realized Dad was a product of his upbringing, gene pool, and the time he lived in....not excuses, just reality.
Of the three of us I probably locked horns with my father most often from my teenage years on into adulthood, (though my brother could give me a run for the money sometimes!). Though those weren't the most enjoyable parts of my life - they were definitely learning times. The last few years of Dad's life we were able to interact with each other more as adults...but let there be no doubt I was always THE kid!!!!! Dad learned that his oldest daughter was pretty smart and could navigate around the medical community with pretty good efficiency - and I think he realized that even though I do have an emotional side, I'm not driven by my emotions - at least not in most cases.
Dad and Mom would be pleased that my brother, sister and I have managed to hang together and continue to be an active part of each others life - that's the way they would want it, and it's hard to imagine life being any other way.
Yeah, it's really hard to believe Dad died two years ago today - I miss you and love you Dad, we all miss you.
Thursday, February 05, 2009
Back in the saddle....
One short week ago I was walking white sandy beaches with temperatures in the 80's and a bright sun, lounging by the Caribbean or laying by a refreshing pool, sipping on drinks with little umbrellas in them and the people around me couldn't do enough to make me happy..... Now, I'm back in middle America there are close to 18" of snow on the ground, yesterday it didn't make it to 20, if I'm not careful I'll land on my bum while trying to navigate the snow covered sidewalks/parking lots...and my happiness is not at the top of anyones priority list. Welcome Home!!!!!
My 10 day adventure to San Juan and the southern Caribbean was really a little slice of heaven. It is the first real vacation I've had in a very long time...where I didn't have to do anything; be anywhere; make any kind of decision aside from what I wanted to eat off the dinner menu/what wine I wanted/or little umbrella drink I wanted. I didn't open my day planner one time while I was gone, and though I usually wore my watch or had it in my beach bag, it didn't really matter what time it was (of course with the exception of being back on the ship before it left...and that I was on time for my dinner seating!). Amy and I went on a New England vacation about 5-6 years ago - but that was colored by the fact that we had just found out about our mother's cancer - it was a 'presence' even though the two of us didn't talk about it....the proverbial 'elephant in the room'.
I feel like I came home a much happier, rested, and more relaxed person than I was when I left - and hopefully I'm not as grumpy and impatient as I was before I left. Lesson learned....get away for even a few days with some regularity, especially while there are household upheavals - for everyone's sake!
The southern Caribbean is really quite beautiful. Last Saturday Becki and I had lunch on the top of a mountain (we took a tram up and down) - with all outside seating, it overlooked the bay of St. Thomas and it was just spectacular...and they made a great chef salad! I decided I could take this cruise again and be happy never getting off the boat - just enjoying all the sunshine and relaxation.
So, now it's back to reality - to get back in the saddle! Today Sara and I are hanging out together - it just amazes me how a little person can just make my heart soar. Spent time yesterday on some church projects. Really, I'm easing back into life....I was smart enough not to schedule anything this week!!
My 10 day adventure to San Juan and the southern Caribbean was really a little slice of heaven. It is the first real vacation I've had in a very long time...where I didn't have to do anything; be anywhere; make any kind of decision aside from what I wanted to eat off the dinner menu/what wine I wanted/or little umbrella drink I wanted. I didn't open my day planner one time while I was gone, and though I usually wore my watch or had it in my beach bag, it didn't really matter what time it was (of course with the exception of being back on the ship before it left...and that I was on time for my dinner seating!). Amy and I went on a New England vacation about 5-6 years ago - but that was colored by the fact that we had just found out about our mother's cancer - it was a 'presence' even though the two of us didn't talk about it....the proverbial 'elephant in the room'.
I feel like I came home a much happier, rested, and more relaxed person than I was when I left - and hopefully I'm not as grumpy and impatient as I was before I left. Lesson learned....get away for even a few days with some regularity, especially while there are household upheavals - for everyone's sake!
The southern Caribbean is really quite beautiful. Last Saturday Becki and I had lunch on the top of a mountain (we took a tram up and down) - with all outside seating, it overlooked the bay of St. Thomas and it was just spectacular...and they made a great chef salad! I decided I could take this cruise again and be happy never getting off the boat - just enjoying all the sunshine and relaxation.
So, now it's back to reality - to get back in the saddle! Today Sara and I are hanging out together - it just amazes me how a little person can just make my heart soar. Spent time yesterday on some church projects. Really, I'm easing back into life....I was smart enough not to schedule anything this week!!
Friday, January 16, 2009
Brrrrr.....
OK - I generally love living in the Midwest, with the change of seasons and all that the different seasons bring....though I would dump the summer humidity if I could! Anyway, that being said, it just isn't right when the temperature is -25, with the wind chill!!!
This morning I went outside to take some trash to the burn barrel and took a header, right into the snow, one glove off because I was wrangling some of the burnables. You need to understand, the burn barrel is in my sister's yard, next door and they are in the throws of renovation and construction next door, so really the yard is now nothing but a big construction zone (it has been complete with backhoe!) and thus the ground is very, very uneven. I know all of this, but when you put several inches of fresh snow on top of the ground everything looks pretty even!!! Oh, I'm fine...aside from feeling like and idiot!!!
My remodel project is coming along - it's no longer like a freezer up there, they hooked up the furnace/AC Tuesday. Tuesday they also hung all of the drywall - and now they are 'taping' and 'filling'....from what I can tell, to make everything even, cover up seams and nail holes! Then the trim goes in and then painting. This morning I decided this was going to be a reality, it's not just conceptual...though you'd think with all the checks I've written that would make things 'real'!!!
A week from today I'm leaving this cold weather behind for a week!!! Flying to San Juan for a couple of days and boarding a cruise liner for a week of relaxation and fun!!! Again, today it finally seem 'real'! I am anxious to see the southern Caribbean - Aruba; Netherlands, Antilles; Grenada; Dominica; and the Virgin Islands. I see this as a vacation that is all about beaches, pools, and drinks with little umbrellas in them!!!! That's not to say that there might be a little shopping involved too.....
So, for now is Brrrrrr...but in six months I'll be lamenting the heat and humidity and would give most anything for the cooler weather!!!
This morning I went outside to take some trash to the burn barrel and took a header, right into the snow, one glove off because I was wrangling some of the burnables. You need to understand, the burn barrel is in my sister's yard, next door and they are in the throws of renovation and construction next door, so really the yard is now nothing but a big construction zone (it has been complete with backhoe!) and thus the ground is very, very uneven. I know all of this, but when you put several inches of fresh snow on top of the ground everything looks pretty even!!! Oh, I'm fine...aside from feeling like and idiot!!!
My remodel project is coming along - it's no longer like a freezer up there, they hooked up the furnace/AC Tuesday. Tuesday they also hung all of the drywall - and now they are 'taping' and 'filling'....from what I can tell, to make everything even, cover up seams and nail holes! Then the trim goes in and then painting. This morning I decided this was going to be a reality, it's not just conceptual...though you'd think with all the checks I've written that would make things 'real'!!!
A week from today I'm leaving this cold weather behind for a week!!! Flying to San Juan for a couple of days and boarding a cruise liner for a week of relaxation and fun!!! Again, today it finally seem 'real'! I am anxious to see the southern Caribbean - Aruba; Netherlands, Antilles; Grenada; Dominica; and the Virgin Islands. I see this as a vacation that is all about beaches, pools, and drinks with little umbrellas in them!!!! That's not to say that there might be a little shopping involved too.....
So, for now is Brrrrrr...but in six months I'll be lamenting the heat and humidity and would give most anything for the cooler weather!!!
Monday, January 05, 2009
There is no denying it....
...it really is 2009. I know, we are five days deep into this new year; but, somehow today it hit me - "HEY, it IS a NEW YEAR!"
Perhaps what set this 'revelation' in motion was when I drove up to my house I realized how different it looks now, compared to a few short months ago, back in 2008. It's not just another house, or the house I inherited from my mother and father - it is indeed MY house, and I have and continue to put my personal stamp on it...it really is home. It struck me that this place now really is inviting, and has taken on that 'English cottage' look I've been trying to cultivate - and I like it, and am happy it's my home.
As I looked back on 2008 I have to say it was a fairly good year. First no close or extended family members died, was diagnosed with a dreadful disease, or struck with some other catastrophe. This past year I think I've 'come to terms' with this autoimmune disease I have - I've learned to live with it, instead of in spite of it....though I really think this is going to be a life long challenge - I don't particularly like anything (or anyone) dictating what I am able or unable to do. Quality time in the hospital has actually been pretty minimal...take away January and February and the very first of March - and I was hospital free...I take that as a victory. Yes, I still have to build my life around infusions every 28 days, and will continue to have to do this for the rest of my life - but in the big picture, it's not a Mother Theresa sacrifice!
In 2008 I was able to travel quite a bit. March was a great trip to Disney World with Tabitha and her family - more specifically, my three granddaughters....my first time there! There were several trips to Texas to spend time with Tabitha and her family - the last time in November when I got to meet my new grandson, Maverick - he's a kid who doesn't like to ride in the car, and he's part of a family that is on the go, go, go....God has a wicked sense of humor!!! In June I went to Texas, and came home with my oldest granddaughter Isabel who spent almost three weeks with me...her visit included a long weekend in Chicago and a day in the city seeing the sites - Isabel is an awesome little girl!
My big venture of 2008 was a 2 week European vacation - most of the time spent on a cruise ship sailing the Baltic Sea. Yes, I visited The Little Mermaid and Tivoli Garden - and several castles and shopped the shops of the city. Our ports took us to Denmark, Sweden, Finland, Russia, Poland, Estonia, and Germany. Russia and Germany were real highlights - we spent two days in Russia, and you could spend weeks there, taking it all in - the history of the country is fascinating, the people were kind (except the pickpockets who swiped my camera from my fanny pack...they almost got my passport, before I realized what was going on!), and REAL beef stroganoff is fabulous! We went to Berlin, Germany - and again, the history of the place is just incredible...to be able to walk through the Brandenburg Gate, touch the Berlin Wall, and walk freely through Checkpoint Charlie were powerful, powerful experiences. Perhaps my favorite place to visit, and somewhere I would go back to in a heartbeat is Estonia - exactly how you picture picturesque Europe - and they have great woolens!
My other 'big' news is all the renovations here, at my home. Currently the attic is turning into a master suite - and it is really beginning to take shape - you can 'see' where the actual living areas are going to be, where the loo is....it is really going to be an amazing space when they get done.
Since late fall my sister and her family have been living here with me - their house, next door really is uninhabitable. We all have our moments - my brother-in-law and I tend to put my sister "in the middle", and that is something I'm really working on, it makes her justifiably crazy! Sometimes this house gets a little small for three strong willed adults none of whom are short on opinion - and then you throw the cutest, smartest three year old there is in the mix....well, all bets are off! But really, it's great that they are here, and I'm sure I'll miss the company once they can go home to there both restored and new home, sometime this spring.
So, here we are 2009, and who knows what this year will hold. There is an exciting inevitability about a new year - it's here, ready or not!
Perhaps what set this 'revelation' in motion was when I drove up to my house I realized how different it looks now, compared to a few short months ago, back in 2008. It's not just another house, or the house I inherited from my mother and father - it is indeed MY house, and I have and continue to put my personal stamp on it...it really is home. It struck me that this place now really is inviting, and has taken on that 'English cottage' look I've been trying to cultivate - and I like it, and am happy it's my home.
As I looked back on 2008 I have to say it was a fairly good year. First no close or extended family members died, was diagnosed with a dreadful disease, or struck with some other catastrophe. This past year I think I've 'come to terms' with this autoimmune disease I have - I've learned to live with it, instead of in spite of it....though I really think this is going to be a life long challenge - I don't particularly like anything (or anyone) dictating what I am able or unable to do. Quality time in the hospital has actually been pretty minimal...take away January and February and the very first of March - and I was hospital free...I take that as a victory. Yes, I still have to build my life around infusions every 28 days, and will continue to have to do this for the rest of my life - but in the big picture, it's not a Mother Theresa sacrifice!
In 2008 I was able to travel quite a bit. March was a great trip to Disney World with Tabitha and her family - more specifically, my three granddaughters....my first time there! There were several trips to Texas to spend time with Tabitha and her family - the last time in November when I got to meet my new grandson, Maverick - he's a kid who doesn't like to ride in the car, and he's part of a family that is on the go, go, go....God has a wicked sense of humor!!! In June I went to Texas, and came home with my oldest granddaughter Isabel who spent almost three weeks with me...her visit included a long weekend in Chicago and a day in the city seeing the sites - Isabel is an awesome little girl!
My big venture of 2008 was a 2 week European vacation - most of the time spent on a cruise ship sailing the Baltic Sea. Yes, I visited The Little Mermaid and Tivoli Garden - and several castles and shopped the shops of the city. Our ports took us to Denmark, Sweden, Finland, Russia, Poland, Estonia, and Germany. Russia and Germany were real highlights - we spent two days in Russia, and you could spend weeks there, taking it all in - the history of the country is fascinating, the people were kind (except the pickpockets who swiped my camera from my fanny pack...they almost got my passport, before I realized what was going on!), and REAL beef stroganoff is fabulous! We went to Berlin, Germany - and again, the history of the place is just incredible...to be able to walk through the Brandenburg Gate, touch the Berlin Wall, and walk freely through Checkpoint Charlie were powerful, powerful experiences. Perhaps my favorite place to visit, and somewhere I would go back to in a heartbeat is Estonia - exactly how you picture picturesque Europe - and they have great woolens!
My other 'big' news is all the renovations here, at my home. Currently the attic is turning into a master suite - and it is really beginning to take shape - you can 'see' where the actual living areas are going to be, where the loo is....it is really going to be an amazing space when they get done.
Since late fall my sister and her family have been living here with me - their house, next door really is uninhabitable. We all have our moments - my brother-in-law and I tend to put my sister "in the middle", and that is something I'm really working on, it makes her justifiably crazy! Sometimes this house gets a little small for three strong willed adults none of whom are short on opinion - and then you throw the cutest, smartest three year old there is in the mix....well, all bets are off! But really, it's great that they are here, and I'm sure I'll miss the company once they can go home to there both restored and new home, sometime this spring.
So, here we are 2009, and who knows what this year will hold. There is an exciting inevitability about a new year - it's here, ready or not!
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