Clear to Me...

As I 'mature' it has become clear to me that in fact there is very little that is 'clear' to me - some might call it a life lesson, for me it is more of an annoyance.

One thing that has become clear to me is that God created woman to have children at a younger age for a very good reason....prime among them endurance and stamina!!! Don't get me wrong - the weariness experienced with interacting/caring for a 2.5 year old and/or a 9 year old is the best kind of tiredness there is - BUT God in God's infinate wisdom made those of us who are wiser and more mature grandmothers and aunts....or grandfathers and uncles!

A little over a week ago I returned from Texas and Isabel, my oldest granddaughter came home with me. Isabel is 9 years old and the most delightful little girl you would ever want to meet....and smart - oh my gosh, it's a little fightening.....between Isabel and Sara I feel like I need to go back to school to keep up with them - let alone be a step ahead of them!!!! It makes me wonder it my Mom felt this way when we were younger.

The great thing about kids is that they give you the perfect excuse to do things you might not otherwise do - we've been to the Children's Museum, the Zoo, the 500 Museum - with White River State Garden and the Indiana State Museum are on the horizon...and another day at the pool.

Yesterday Isabel and I drove up to Chicago - a three hour car trip is an eternity to a nine year old....we can all remember those days!!! To be nine and able to sleep in the car - ahhh, just another thing we don't appreciate at the time!!!

Today we are going to go shopping for a baby gift for my cousin Susan's baby boy, at Oakbrook I think, and then we are headed for a graduation party at my close friend Lori's house - her youngest son graduated from high school. Tomorrow I hope to take Isabel into the city and do something - maybe Navy Pier or the Shedd Aquarium....or/and the American Girl store, if I can find it. Monday we head home.

To keep life really interesting the work continues on the house....the concrete has been poured and the muratic acid applied....they will have to come back and apply the sealant. The gutter/soffit/siding project is 2/3 done, with the gutters to go up next week - it's amazing what a difference the siding makes. The window project should commence in the next couple of weeks...and then the major outside projects will be done.

Amy and Sara have 'moved' back to their house - Amy wasn't promising on a permanent basis, but that is not a problem....truth is I miss having them around (even though they live just next door!) - there is nothing like a 2 year old for a reality check!

Ahhhhh....to be young again and have that seemingly limitless energy......

Neck Deep.....

For all those who really know me, it's a pretty well established factoid that I'm no Tim the Tool Guy Taylor!! I can find the business end of a hammer, screwdriver, and wrench....or gardening tools....BUT when it comes to home improvements, it's just not my gig - and guess what - it NEVER will be!!!!

Soooo....picture this middle aged woman 'wheelin' and dealin' with various ilks of contractors!!! In the past couple of weeks window/door/wrap; gutter/soffit/shake siding, and concrete/all walks/all steps/front porch contractors have been added to the payroll. I've learned how to fake my way though a good window conversation, so, I don't sound like a total moron; know far more about concrete aggregate than I ever wanted to know; and, have quite good conversation skills when it comes to gutter/soffits/and shake siding!

You want to know what a real revelatory moment was....too bad, I'm going to tell you anyway - when you buy a door, it DOES NOT come with handle/door knobs/locks!!! Who knew...clearly, not me!!! Riddle me this, is a door REALLY a door without handles/knobs....isn't it just a slab of wood or whatever they make them out of these days?!?!?! The new front door I bought, I absolutely love, love, love it....and well I should, holy crimeny, the thing should automatically open and close for me!!!!

Sometimes I hear myself talking and wonder...who is this woman!!! Just little ole' me!!!

Have been able to spend more time with Sara the last few weeks, and it's been great! Last week had her all day on Tuesday - and ditto for tomorrow. She is quite the little spitfire - and will tell you exactly what is on her mind, I can't imagine where she gets that!!! She is so smart and funny, sometimes it's a little scary - and boy, does she know how to bat those big brown eyes of hers!!! Sara gives the best hugs and kisses ever - she really does make my heart happy, she is really a little blessing.

On to see what kind of mischief I can get myself into - I paid bills this morning, so I think I'm entitled to a little mischief!!!!

A period or a semi-colon???

Today is an odd day of sorts....I'm not sure if we are putting a period or a semi-colon in a chapter of our lives.

It is a day of relief, mixed with anticipation, throw in a little excitement - then frost the whole mess with some sadness and that sums up this day....a little odd, don't 'ya think?

Today is the day we truck back down to the far Southside (think Greenwood) to meet with Big Red (aka: the trust/estate attorney hired by my parent) to take distribution on the trust. I'm not sure if this will be the 'final' distribution or partial distribution, I'm hoping it's final so I can be done with Red and so this emotional roller coaster can be done. Therein lies the conundrum of period or semi-colon.

The 'stuff' the trust represents will be used wisely and for the betterment of the lives of each of us and our family and families - we owe that to our parents' memories and ishow we were raised. I and feel confident of this, having some idea of the plans each of us have - CJ is totally redoing the lake a place both Mom and Dad loved - a new year 'round house is taking shape to be built this spring/summer and last year the new boardwalk and boathouse. Amy and her family are living in the 'family house' now and they are taking on what feels like the most onerous project - remodeling and building on to the place....oh my gosh, what a project!!!! Me, I'm going to do some remodeling around here at my house, but am waiting until Amy and Rob's project unfolds....we need at least one house in 'working order'! Saying all of this and knowing it is my intellectual self talking, on the emotional side it feels a bit like casting lots over the 'stuff' Mom and Dad worked a lifetime for - yet, when I snap back to reality I know that this is what they wanted for the three of us and what really counts and matters are those eternal gifts of being taught to be good citizens in our family and the world; and, most importantly their love.

So - yeah, it's an odd day - like so many of the odd and crazy days of the last several years....is there really still such a thing as "normal"?????

TICK TOCK...

OK - let's get on with it....TICK TOCK....I'm leaving on a jet plane in a few days and have not departed the hospital gate as of yet!!!! In fairness - he doesn't keep me one more day than is necessary, and I know that. Luckily, I anticipate packing for this trip to be fairly easy.....jeans, crop pants, a pair of shorts, rain coat, undies.....

Ordered the oxygen concentrator and am a bit anxious that it will arrive prior to my departure....it just has too!!! Well, not really, I guess, but that is the way I feel about it.

Had lots of visitors this weekend, and that was nice. Some of my favorite people from church...Margaret, Barry, Jan, Scott (who brought the fabulous Chang's!!!!). Richard mosied up yesterday with a cup of summertime....Steak and Shake strawberry yogurt shake....ummmmm, what's not to like!!!

I can't believed how jazzed I am about going to 'the happiest place on earth'....it's like my 'inner child' is in overdrive. Hopefully, someday I will make the trip again with Sara, Amy, and Rob - Sara would take the place over!!!

It IS February....

Well, let's make no mistake about it - it IS February in the great heartland of America! Yesterday it was spitting snowflurries - and today we're looking at snow melt....AND then tomorow snow again!!!

This being in the hospital on a monthly basis really sucks - especially when it is taking a week and more out of every month - ARGH.

Yesterday was a little hairy. Ron Burwinkel feels at this point I'm deveoping cor pulmonale (right sided heart fairlure) on top of the CHF (left sided heart failure) that we already were aware of. So, yesterday was spent scurrying around the hopsital getting scans, x-rays done - have blood work done and starting a big urine collection......so much for going home today!!!

I CANNOT, CANNOT, CANNOT wait to go to Florida - I get on the big jet plane a Wednesday! Then, I can begin thinking about my great summer vacation....a REAL vacation!!!!

Amy, Rob, and Sara came up on Monday afternoon.....there just isn't much that makes me happier than having my niece come running at me full tillt, saying 'Ant Ansey Pants...." with that big beautiful smile on her face.

Lots of friends from church came to visit yesterday - and it was great to see them all. Richard and Paul stopped up, and I'm so glad that they did - they are such great guys and funny....oh my gosh!

Not exactly sure what today has to hold....one day closer to getting out of here!

Nanci

A Good Whine.....

OK - get ready, and hold on to your hats for a little self indulgent whining - which might be helped along by a little wine from the vine, but it's way, way too early for that and I don't think it's on the menu here!!!

Went to the MD yesterday morning for this little upper respiratory 'thing' I've got....in my orbit of the world - there is not a "little" upper respiratory thing!!! So.....as my friend Mary Katherine predicted (she brought me to the MD, I really felt like crap) I got admitted to the hospital.....grrrrrr, argh, damit, and anything else you'd like to throw in there. After I 'caved' and said "ok" to coming over to the 'slammer', I reminded him "tick, tock - I leave for Florida two weeks from today!!!!" Really, this is more about getting me 'tuned up' and able to breathe without sounding like a symphony of respiratory sounds: wheezing, rales, and rhonci!

Called Amy late yesterday afternoon....she had taken Sara to the MD and Sara has pink eye ---- just perfect!!!! I'm sure it makes Amy a little crazy, having accepted the Manager's position at Riley - but I'm really proud of her, she's got her priorities right, her family is first.

Walked outside yesterday to go to the MD and was suprised that we had gotten as much snow as we had - 2 - 3 inches. It's cold, and more snow is predicted, with a little ice and sleet thrown in for good measure. This weather is very reminiscent of the weather a year ago, when Dad was declining and the day he died. Sometimes it bothers me that I seem to miss him more than I did Mom immediately after her death (I'm making up for it now!!) - but, after Mom died, Dad became my/our full time project, and then his health really started to tank 5-6 months after Mom died....so, I do 'get it'.

Hope that Sara rebounds quickly and her little eyes stop 'oozing' - now there's a picture for you!!!!! She is 'da' best thing to hit this family in several years - being with her and just watching her (she's begun to 'toy' with the adults in her life!!!!) - there is no way you cannot believe in the goodness and love of God.

Ramblings in February

It's February - yeah, I know, we're half way through the month - anyway, it's gloomy and raining here today, somewhere in the 50's....and tomorrow, well we're going to have snow showers - it's the Twilight Zone of weather. Perhaps the weather in part explains why I have the mother of all colds/the flu, which of course has settled in my lungs - for the love of it all....enough already. Today I've become a wheezing machine - the good news is: at least I'm moving air....the bad news: I'm wheezing in the small percentage of my lungs that 'work' right. So, I'm spending quality time with my nebulizer and oxygen, taking the antibiotics, and praying tonight is a better night. I guess the 'good news' is that I'm getting this now and not when I go to 'the happiest place on earth' in a few weeks.....but this was no where on my radar.

Last night at dinner I asked Amy if she remembered what she was doing on this date many years ago....she paused and thought about it and then said "ohhhhh...." Yesterday was our wedding anniversary - the 16th and a Saturaday - it is so hard to believe that Vance died almost 11 years ago - in some ways it feels just like yesterday, and in other ways - it was a lifetime ago.

Then, a week from today, on the 24th marks a year since Dad died. There are times, I swear he's here - and my brother CJ sounds like my Dad it is a little freaky sometimes when he calls, I've started to call him Dad more than once before I snap back to reality....then there are those moments I hear "Nance, have you thought about......" - well no, of course I hadn't -- my Dad was the only one who called me 'Nance'. I like to think of all these things as gifts, but sometimes it just gets a little weird. The other day I was coming home and turned into the alley, a female red cardinal 'guided' me all the way to my drive way....Mom loved cardinals, especially in the wintertime when things are so bleak, for me it was/is a sign, Mom is still watching out for all of us.

Random

So, here are some random thoughts and observations from my little corner of heaven.......

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You need a vacation from planning a vacation to Disney World!!!! Leave for the happiest place on earth March 6 - am meeting up with Tabitha and Will and the three granddaughters....the girls have no clue about Disney, or that Grandma will be there!!!! BUT....yipes - I'm now convinced you could spend a month there and still not see it all!!! :) Think after several hours of reading and coordinating yesterday I finally have a handle on this - now need to talk to Tabitha just to make sure everything is 'covered' and coordinated in a way that everyone will do OK with - when you throw a 8, 4, and 2 year old into the mix planning ahead really is your friend!!!

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Today is a red letter day around here!!! Sara is going to get her first hair cut!!!! Amy is going to get her hair done to, so Aunt Nanci gets to tag along, so there is supervision for Sara, so Amy can maybe enjoy her hair cut!!! Rest assured, I will be taking a camera to capture this big moment!!!!

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On the news last night there was a story about 3 guys who were canoing on White River in the Carmel area - are you kidding me. White River and several other rivers are flooding right now, so these three jokers think yesterday was a pick day to canoe. Now, stupidity isn't a crime - BUT, when you put others in danger (the fireman guys who were the rescuers) because you are an idiot - well, that's a different story.

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Well....all my light fixtures have been delivered and installed - and look fabulous, just ask me! All that remains to be done is to take delivery of a chair for my desk, and a new painting for over the fireplace....and framing and matting of some black and white photos of family, I still need to find and select!!!

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I've really found myself missing Mom more. Maybe because the dust is settling for the first time since she died and I (well, really, none of us) had a chance to grieve her death after she died - taking on Dad and caring for him became the next full time endeavor - Mom was the only one who really knew how to wrangle him....anyway, here I am a 50 year old woman really missing her Mom. Somehow, I think there is a part of me that will always miss Mom....and Dad too, for that matter.

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Life is way too short to sit around feeling sorry for myself - I have an amazing family (if not a little quirky sometimes!) and THE best friends ever....a roof over my head....food in my fridge and pantry....comfy new furniture.....some money in the bank...and a God that never fails me - so really, I am blessed beyond words.

Argh.....2008....how can it be???

Clearly, it is now a well established factoid that I am NOT a stellar blog poster!!! Not really a New Year's resolution to improve on this - resolutions are esentially made to be broken, at least in my experience - but, I am very hopeful that my posting frequency will dramatically improve during 2008!!!!

Yeah - it is 2008, and that is pretty hard to believe - where did December go....answer, I spent 11 days in the hospital, let me just say that eats into a girls Christmas shopping, Christmas partying, decorating, blah, blah, blah.....though I was fairly satisfied with myself, managed to get my Christmas cards out, shopping done, and everything wrapped all by Christmas Eve. Yeah, I almost broke my arm patting myself on the back over that one!!!

Back to the 'slammer' (aka: hospital) January 7...for another 10 day stint - you know the world is spinning a little weirdly when the dietician is in my hospital room because I've lost more than 10 pounds in a month....I keep telling people there is an 'upside' to everything!!!! Anyways got to come home last Wednesday....

Thursday Amy, CJ, Sharon and I were off to the Hope Masonic Lodge in the 'metropolis' (NOT!!) of Hope, IN....for the auction of Dad's farm land. None of the three of us has a farming bone in our body - though, after playing 'Oliver' (think Green Acres!) Ketner for the last year, CJ might have a shot at it!!! It was pretty emotional for all three of us - one parcel of land is where my great-grandfather/Papo was born, and was very special to my Dad. There were over 80 people at this auction - a BIG turn out, according to those in 'the know'....the auctioneers and my Dad's brother (Uncle Paul) and his wife (Aunt Judy). The auction went well, according to my aunt and uncle they are not aware of any farm land that has sold as well....my uncle told us if we weren't "happy" with the outcome then "you're crazy"! Okey, dokey - and 10-4!!!!

Quite frankly, I'm just trying to get my head around all of this - I need and want to be a good steward of this gift - and really, let's be honest - any and all of the financial assets I/we have inherited are gifts. It's all a little overwhelming for me (a feeling I don't like much at all....although, Amy and Sharon have assured me that they won't let me do anything 'stupid'!) - so, I'm trying to do some reading to get myself 'smarter' and need to get reconnected with my financial planner, and may even interview another planner that has been recommeded to me.

That being said...today I spent some money!!! Got a dying tree taken down out of my front yard and another tree pruned an shaped up. Bought new light fixtures for the dining room, mantle sconces, front entryway, and back hallway. Then....I bought a new tv for the living room - a 46" Sony, 1080dpl, flat panel, HD-LCD number complete with Blu-ray DVD. The tv is to be delivered tomorrow, the lights are on order and should be here in 2-4 weeks and then they will install them and the tree work is all done.

Oh yeah....and I'm going on a Baltic cruise this summer - with Mom's brother and his wife, Mom's sister and her husband, two of my aunts' daughters (one my age/divorced the other a couple of years younger than Kathy and I/never married), and then a couple or two who are friends with my uncle and his wife. We sail in and our of Copenhagen - A) because I can, and B) because I'm not likely to be in that part of the world again!

So, I'm trying to get myself 'back in the groove' of living....have an MD appointment Friday, they're keeping a 'close eye' on me. Want to get back to Texas, at least for a few days soon....did I mention....Tab and Will are making me a Grandma again!!!!! :)

So - here I go, headlong into 2008!

The Bouncing Ball....

OK...keep up if you can...this is going to be like following a bouncing ball
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It does feel a lot like Christmas....snow on the ground, a nip in the air, lights in the bushes, garland around the front door, wreaths up.....how can it be, Christmas????
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Let's make it official, I'm sick of being sick - enough already!!!! You know me, always up for a good challenge, but this, this is almost more than I can bear some days........
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It's hard to believe, two years ago today, Sara Hope was born, she is an amazing little girl - beautiful, smart, loving - you can't be around her for two seconds and NOT believe that there IS a loving God!!!
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My first Christmas as an 'orphan' - I'm determined to make it a joyful holiday season for my family, for Sara and the triplets....and my brother and sister. We have all been through so much the last 4-5 years, with our parents' failing health. I'm finding it very hard to be joyful....but, Mom and Dad would have it no other way.
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YIPES, Elmopaloosa is going to throw up all over my house tomorrow....Sara's official birthday party is going to be here, and it's ALL about Elmo....seeing red will have whole new meaning!!!
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Spent most of a week in Texas with all 'my girls' and my favorite son-in-law. When you have an 8, 4, and 2 year old in the house it gives all new meaning to the word 'busy'. Vance would be/is so proud of Tabitha and her family - I know that I am.
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I love my new almost finished redecorated living room - it feels so much like 'home' to me, comfortable, intimate, cozy - it feels like me, and I love that......
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It is that holly jolly time of year......

Spaces.....

Here I sit, at the 'desk' I used all the way through Jr. high and high school - an antique library table that came from my Grandma Smith's house - that Amy painstakingly refinished - when I had it the top was painted a scary color of green, and the 'base' black....Grandma painted everything black, in that 'art deco' kinda way that WAS all the style back in the day, and now back 'in style'.

I find myself 'living' in the most comfortable of spaces. Living among a mix of old and new - beautiful, and comfortable new furniture and 'old' pictures, mementos, and lots of family items. It feels like 'home' in a very special way - and I know this is where I will likely spend the rest of my earthly life, and that feels 'OK'. I've learned, never say never, "life" has a way of changing what I THINK will be and should be - really, I think it's God reminding me that HE IS REALLY IN CHARGE!

I've found myself really missing Mom and Dad recently - can't tell you why, well, maybe it's the looming holidays...the first ones without either of my parents here on this earth...if for some reason I couldn't be with them (which didn't happen often), I could always call and here their voice. Now, there is silence, a void that no one else can fill - and yet, they are both very much with me now, in a very special way that I could never have imagined. It is quite the human conundrum.

As I sit here at my laptop, to my left is the cordless phone/answering machine combo, a dual picture frame with 8x10's of my Grandfather Lincoln and a facing picture of Nancy when she was about six or seven together with Mom when she was maybe 12-18 months; and, then a small candle and a couple of small gourds. To my right is my Jesus head from Jerusalem, a picture of CJ and I when I was about 4 and CJ was about 18 months old; and, a picture of Grandma Smith and I - that was taken in one of those little photo booths - I'm sure taken on a birthday trip downtown, I was probably 5 or 6. Over my shoulder Mom and Dad are literally smiling down on me - a picture taken at the farm - before illnesses began to ravage them for the last times - the picture sits perched atop the new entertainment cabinet/console.

Everyone is smiling in the pictures - we were all so much younger, especially me. Sometimes I long for those days - when the world wasn't so damned complicated - when we left the front and back doors unlocked all the time and you didn't worry about who came in - because it was either going to be family or friends; when Mom had dinner on the table every night and Dad predictably got home between 1700-1800; and, when picking up my toys was the 'big deal' of the day - days that none of us appreciate until we can only look back over our shoulder at times past, and have thankful hearts for those times.

I am a very thankful and grateful woman.

Who is that masked woman...Monday

The obvious answer - me! But, sometimes I have to ask myself exactly what I'm doing - often, while I'm doing it!

It starts with my cleaning ladies knocking on my door at 0800...still hard for me to believe that I have cleaning ladies....but they were here and did a stellar job, so I'm good for two more weeks.

This morning made a flurry of phone calls...mammogram scheduled (maybe this qualifies as too much information!); Salvation Army in the cue to pick up all my living room furniture early Friday morning; Ethan Allen in the cue to deliver all my new furniture Friday afternoon; taking Becke out for lunch and a movie tomorrow for her birthday....

This afternoon had conversations with both the chimney sweep guy and the concrete guy - need some chimney work and 'sweeping' done....ya think, there is a TREE growing OUT of my chimney!!!! And, then, there are the front steps that are starting to crumble and the back stoop, one of the steps has a huge whole in it, like a step into it up to your knee and break your leg kind of hole! My parents are up in heaven watching this all unfold, wondering how it will all play out - me too!!!

Then, I had to go to the bank...trying to figure out how to best 'settle' my part of the distribution on the smallest of Dad's IRA's. When I took the stack of forms from Key Bank and another stack from Schwab (for two of the different accounts) to Hubbard and Cravens last week to try and figure out I read some of the 'fine print' and there were pages and pages of fine print, so the 'operative word' is SOME!!! Anyway, seems if you are 'disabled' and are going to be disabled for at least 12 continuous months or are going to die (I would qualify for the former of the two, thank you) you can take your distribution on the IRA without penalty - and it is a hefty penalty. So, I stopped by the bank to verify if my understanding of what I was reading was correct - and it is, and to check on the IRS form - when I have to file it, where it is, where it comes from. So, tomorrow, I will get that pile of paperwork in the mail...the Schwab raft of papers got sent today - Schwab is a whole different kettle of fish!

Got on-line and made my plane reservations for New Orleans...have my seat assignments...today I got my letter from UMCOR verifying receipt of my 'application' and advising me of my 'acceptance' - so I decided it was safe to buy those non-refundable tickets!

Dropped off a pair of new jeans at the tailors to get them hemmed up - and have a seam repaired in some dress pants. Have my 2007/2008 daytimer up to date. And, to complete my day got a manicure and pedicure, it was delightful.

On the crappage front....another 100# of clothes to Thrifty Threads and miscellaneous household items. My attic is about 85-90% cleaned out and the dumpster is about as full....I'm quite a picture in a haz-mat decontam mask...and you have to love the energy of a 17 year old, man did they run up and down those attic steps a lot!!! My bedroom closet is all cleaned out and my bedroom is looking pretty good...now just need to get the guest bedroom under control - my next goal in the coming two weeks....it just never ends.

So, as you can see, sometimes I gotta wonder who this woman is - who still pretty much looks and thinks like me...but seems to be 'morphing'....if one person say's 'maturing', I'm gonna wring your neck!!!!

Well, it is officially Tuesday when you live in the EDT zone...and Curves is in my imminent future - like at 0645!

Geez....

You know - I'm not exactly sure where the week has gone....here's the condensed version....

**Curves three times this week

**No MD appointments this week....YEAH...but one trip to the hospital to drop yet more cash on
prescriptions....argh....

**made contact with a 'chimney sweep' to clean and repair my chimney - I gotta love a company
that ends their voice mail with 'God Bless, and have a blessed day'! My neighbor uses the
company, so I know they do good work....if only all the 'contractors' I use can be this good!

**a whole day spent at 'disaster training' at church Thursday...there are those who might contend
I'm a 'disaster' unto myself, that I don't need 'training'....and I was recruited to go to New Orleans for
'Disaster Boot Camp'....the Conference pays, so why not! Then had choir that night...of course,
it ran over....it's an orchestra week...and 'side by side' orchestra/youth playing an instrument
next to an adult...I was exhausted by the time I got home

**I'm turning a bit 'nutty grainy'...see http://www.farmfreshdelivery.com/... all in an effort to be more healthy, get within 30% of my ideal body weight, and 'be smart'. Cost wise it might be a little more
pricey - but that old adage, you get what you pay for, IS true....and then there is that
great intangible - CONVENIENCE!!!

**I owe Tabitha a callback...on the top of my 'to do list' - where did the time go???

**teenagers are coming to the house today to help 'unload' my attic....hey, the dumpster
is in the driveway and they are willing to do the work...yeah I'm paying their efforts, but it's for a great cause - a concert tour of Italy next summer...and I'm not able to run up and down the stairs - so, it works!

**I want to call Scott - haven't talked to him in what seems like forever. AND Lori - want to see how her week went and what the MD had to say....well, free weekend minutes!!!

**Monday got my nails done...that is a little slice of heaven

**dinner out tonight at what I think is the best Greek place in town - Santorinis

**Tony is suppose to come cut the grass today

**lunch with Margaret yesterday - it was great food, great conversation, great laughs...you know,
what would I expect, Margaret is a great person and friend

**hung out with Sara yesterday afternoon for a couple of hours while Amy put groceries away for
the next couple of weeks and did some meal prep - more than a fair exchange, since Amy does
most of the cooking these days...and I'll never turn down the chance to 'hang' with THE BEST
22 month old, EVER....she makes my heart happy

**house decrapification continues...Thrifty Threads is loving me...and I'm loving getting rid of the
"stuff", it really is quite liberating!

And, so it goes - just the the nuts and bolts of life...

Sad but true...

As most everyone knows I've got these very pesky and inconvenient health issues to deal with. And after several months I think I've finally managed to get my head around everything...no, I don't necessarily like it all - but being unhappy, depressed and bitchy about it all isn't going to change a thing and just make me and everyone I love and care about unhappy and maybe not love and care about me!

So, part of my personal campaign and crusade is to get myself as healthy and 'in shape' as I possibly can. Friends - vanity is no longer the issue - it really is about life and living to see my grandchildren and nieces and nephew grow up into the fabulously amazing and successful people I know they are all going to be. To get a lung transplant gotta be within 30% of my ideal body wieght....so since I'm craving at least a sense of a little bit of 'control' in a situation that has been and to a large extent will always be way out of my control this get healthy crusade IS something I can control.

Dieting per se is a stupid concept - it's a setup for failure, it's a bandaid concept. No, girls and boys, it really is about a paradigm shift...what you eat, why you eat, how you eat, when you eat, where you eat....kinda takes all the fun out of it doesn't it?!?!?

So, in addition to the obvious 'eating' part of this crusade there is the inevitable dirty word....exercise. Now, I'm not morally opposed to exercise, really at this point it's become more about my ability to breathe when I'm exgaged in activing - anything more than walking about 10 yards makes me tired to think about it. BUT - I come from a very long line of bucker-uppers - and I learned a long time ago that sometimes you have to suck it up, and that most things in life that are worth having and have meaning very seldom come easily....you know the 'character builders' of life. (Really, at this point in my life don't ya all think I've got more than enough character...)

Sorry, I digress.... Anyway a little more than a month ago a friend of mine from church (that'll teach her for offering to do whatever she can to be of help and support!!!") started going to Curves....the exercise place for women. I've pretty faithfully gone at least three times per week....rolling out of the sack and onto the floor about 0615 so I can get there by 0700....everyday I have to remind myself why exactly it is I'm doing this to myself!!!

A week ago tomorrow was the first wiegh-in, remeasurement....yes as if it isn't humbling/humiliating enough that they weigh you they measure you....everywhere - arms, thighs, butt, gut, waist. Well, I knew I'd lost a little weight, but in the first month I lost eight inches from the various measure areas.

Yeah, yeah - that is great news, but the sad part is that there were eight inches to loose....and the even sadder news there are many more to loose!!!! Don't get me wrong, I really am delighted....BUT, are you kidding me....I want to say, "how did this happen"....but again, I know the answer to that question and really, I don't like it much!!!!!

Oh well...so, I'm off to the kitchen to grab a nice sweet....apple!!!

Picture this....

Yesterday afternoon I arrive on the scene next door at Amy's house and am greeted from the top of the stairs by the cutest 21 month old ever and her mother....my sister, Amy - with these words " the professional is here - we'll ask her"!!! I later learned this was a slightly better greeting than my brother-in-law received when he got home...."Rob, we have a situation....".

Seems Amy got home from the grocery - parked Sara in the living room, gates in place, and her toys in play. Amy was a bout 15-20 minutes putting stuff away, went into the LR, armed with the ever popular Rice Krispy Treat - Sara in her ever so polite way said "phease"....and received a piece of the treat. Then Sara walked over to a clothes basket sitting in the middle of the floor (that toys are typically put in) and said "yucky"....about 45 seconds later she said "yucky" again....at which point Amy took notice.

Weeellll......upon inspection, seems that there was a dead mouse in the basket....they have four cats and live in an old house....the good news, the cats are doing their 'job', the bad news is they feel so obligated to deposit their prey in the middle of the living space...they are so proud!!!

So - how did the mouse get into the basket - Sara or cats??? How much up close and personal inspection did Sara do??? How up close and personal did it get????

Amy asked me "what should we do?" Well....I'm thinkin' - CALL THE PEDIATRICIAN. Children vs. dead mice are way outta my comfort level, if you know what I mean!!!!

When the pediatrician called back, Amy was given the 'all clear'!!!

My one sage piece of advice for my sister...put the pediatrician on speed dial!!

Summer Time...

I'm officially over it....summer time and the summer weather. We are now at 31 days of having temperatures above 90 degrees - our annual average is either 17 or 18 days. It's not bad enough that it's hotter than blue blazes...but of course the humidity is rising - my little corner of respiratory hell...in case I haven't mentioned it before!

This past long holiday weekend was able to spend time at the lake each day....and it was perfectly delightful!!! I spent most of my time stretched out on the above loveseat....took a little snooze, with a nice breeze on Saturday!!! Yesterday, took 'the plunge' into the lake - it was HOT and not much of a breeze...and let's say the water was 'refreshing' - in a kinda take your breath away for a second way!

Aunt Elaine and Cousin Beth graciously hosted me at the 'E&B Inn' Sunday and Monday evenings - it was delightful!

The covered part over the boardwalk was a stroke of genius - and the comfy furniture...it's like being at an island retreat!!!

Next year the old cottage will be coming down - and new year 'round home will be built - CJ and Shaorn are doing an amazing job....the 'new management' is great!

Though I spent a lot of time driving this weekend, it was delightful....and I do love driving my new car!

It's all about....

.....perspective!!! That little life lesson was brought home to me on Friday. After an MD appointment at the Clarian North MOB/medical office building that is really part of the hospital I had gone to pick up a prescription and then ducked into the Atrio/restaurant to get a drink. I ran into an older gentleman from church and inquired about what brought him to the hospital, his wife Grace was a patient and will be needing surgery this week.

So, after getting my drink I trucked up to the 5th floor (my stomping ground) to visit Grace. It was perfectly lovely - she's very sweet, albeit forgetful, but, only a few months away from 90 or is it 89 - she's earned the right to be a little forgetful.

When I was leaving she thanked me - and told her husband and daughter what a 'sweet YOUNG woman' I was. So - OK....the sweet part is definitely up for debate....but I thought, YOUNG - are you kidding me?!?!?

Driving home I was still chuckling to myself about her remark - a sure sign I'm not even close to young! But then it hit me....at her age, 50 is 'young'....someone 40 years my junior would only be 10....a child, for heaven's sake!

So - the truth is true...it IS all about perspective!

A Day....

You know, there are some days you just want to be done with - and this would be one of them.

My day started with a modicum of dread - had a lunch meeting with someone I would not choose to break bread together with on any kind of regular basis....but it was/is church business, and the person is a church employee - so I can suck it up for the greater good..... So, lunch is progressing, the conversation is somewhat awkward and my cell phone rings...

I check the caller ID and know that "I know" the number....but can't place it....and decide I'll be rude and pick up the call. It was the brother-in-law calling from the ED at Clarian North....Sara is sick and in the ED - he needs to leave for class and doesn't want Amy stuck there alone. Well - it was "high oh Silver" for me, I was gone.

There is a reason I have never been, nor will ever be a pediatric nurse.....oh, there is nothing more tragic than a sick kid....and when it is a child you love - well, game, set, and match over! Sara seems to have something viral - and is still pretty puny.

After getting everyone home I got to go to the grocery, for the first time in three weeks....hey, I had to go - the milk was going bad, the bread was stale, and I didn't have any eggs!

Meeting at church tonight - home around 2000...

Yeah, I'm pretty much ready to close the chapter on this particular day.

The Sky Isn't Falling...

No, the sky isn't falling - it's just that wet stuff that we haven't seen in weeks and weeks...RAIN!!! Amy and I were driving north tonight, trying to get to a Mexican restaurant - and you would have thought there were 2 feet of snow on the ground, people had totally lost their mind with the rain.

A friend of mine recently told me it looked like an axe murderer had taken a swing at me, and missed...kind of, just grazed me!!! Well - it is an intentional cut....and I'm ready for it not to hurt and to heal - argh! But, it can make for some great 'black' humor!

Took Reginald to the vet this afternoon...he will be loosing his 'manhood' on Thursday - he knows something just isn't right! He's also going to be loosing his front claws....I'm about to spend a fortune on some new furniture, he's loosing his claws!

I'm so ready for fall time....should I end up going to the land of red creatures with long red tails and pitch forks for eternity, I'm pretty sure it is going to be like the weather we've had today...and many days for the last month. My car 'thermometer' said it was only 75 outside, but it felt like 90, with air you needed to slice through in order to breathe!

Things you never thought....

There are some things in life I've always been pretty sure I'd never say or do - for instance - bungee jumping, are you kidding me - my little corner of hell; or, take one more scholastic math class; and/or, be concerned about farming and farming issues.

Now, two outta three remain true and intact. However, recently while talking to my Uncle Paul - Dad's brother - I heard myself say five words I didn't know my brain could string together..."how are the soybeans doing...??!!??". Then a couple of nights ago CJ, Amy, and I had an impromptu 'estate meeting' - and there the three of us are talking about the price that corn is selling for....the world was spinning upside down for that brief moment!!!

Since Dad died, life has given all of us some new "learning opportunities" - as we liked to say in the medical arena....translation - we don't know what the hell we're doing or really how to do it....but, this is what it is - and we WILL figure it out, and we WILL be successful!!! Call it tenacity, or stick-to-itiveness, or just plain old Ketner stubbornness!!!

CJ and Amy are neck deep in attorneys, surveyors, auctioneers....I'm available on a 'need to know' basis on all this - and for Amy to vent when she is ready to throttle Aileen (aka: Big Red) the estate attorney....she's very good at what she does - but SHE knows it!!!

So, just another lesson in life about - NEVER say NEVER!